It's kind of weird how nobody ever comes over to clean my house for me. I mean, I'm pretty busy laying here playing on my phone.
Sheesh. Some people, right!?
What's it called again when you lack motivation to do things you normally enjoy, feel hopeless, and want to stay in bed all day?
Oh yes, winter. :)
That is precisely why I couldn't be happier that it's over. (Even though it snowed yesterday). I honestly feel like a new person.
Hurray for spring, choosing to shove away negative thoughts, and conquering today.
And an even bigger hurray for my boo, vitamin d. A.K.A. the sun.
People who leave me voicemails instead of texting me: why do you hate me so much?
*With the exception of people who sing/rap me their message. Obviously you guys love me, and I love you back.
Don't hate me, I'm phonophobic. It's doctor diagnosed. Or not, but whatever.
Sometimes I wish I was a celebrity so that when I got bored all I'd have to do is walk out of the house without my wedding ring on and the paparazzi would be like:
"Laurel, is your marriage on the rocks!?",
"Did Brandon leave you for another woman?",
"Who are you wearing?" (How insensitive of them to ask me something so shallow at time like that. Right? Ugh...Those paps...)
And I'd be like "I'm not saying a word until someone brings me a crunch wrap supreme and a diet coke." And then they'd make a run for the border for me and we'd have a nice conversation over 4th meal.
That'd be the life.
"Many in the work will shout that motherhood is full of small mundane tasks. And certainly, if you look only on the surface, it's true. But underneath all the secondary things moms do-cook, clean, read, chauffeur, nurse, and so on-is a mother's real occupation, and I believe the definition of true success. Webster dictionary defines occupation as the principle business of one's life. The principle business of a mothers life is nurturing her children; it is teaching, them by example, how to pass on that love thereby strengthening the world around them." -Jane Clayson Johnson
I couldn't agree with this more.
I remember when Addie was born I couldn't have imagined the amount of love I felt for her immediately. I had no idea I could love something so much.
I used to joke with my mom, before I had kids, that I didn't want a baby. I had a "plan" to give birth and let her have the baby until it was funny, which I thought was about age 2, and then she could give it back. Of course I was kidding but I truly couldn't imagine that I would love being a mom so much, especially to an "unfunny" baby.
Just to give you an idea of how deep that love for Addie was, after we brought her home from the hospital and she was maybe a few days old. Brandon and I were in our room holding her and staring at her, with baby lullabies playing in the background, and and I just started sobbing as I thought about her leaving us for college one day. And then I told Brandon and he started sobbing. It's hilarious to me now that we were already devastated that this 7(ish) day old baby would move away from us one day. A life without her was already unimaginable even though we had just "met" her.
As amazing as this bond was there was another thing about motherhood that struck me. I was busy all day. All day. Like so busy that finding a minute to go to the bathroom seemed difficult and yet at the end of the day I could barely list anything I had accomplished. I would feel guilty pretty often because I didn't feel like I was doing anything worthwhile or interesting.
Fast forward 6 years and that is still one of my biggest struggles with motherhood. I love both of my girls with all my heart but each day I clean, I do laundry, I feed my them, drive Addie to school, take them to gymnastics, change diapers, grocery shop etc. I'm busy and yet I often times feel disappointed in myself at the end of the day because all the diaper changing, cleaning and playing doesn't feel important.
I know there are so many amazing mothers who feel the same way I do. But when we look at the big picture what we're doing is so important. Amidst all the mundane tasks we are raising-teaching, nurturing, loving these little people. Actual little humans, the next generation. We have the chance to teach them what is important in life, to encourage them to follow their dreams, to show them how to love without judgement, among so many other things. I can't think of very many things more amazing than that.
Now please bless that I don't screw this up.
I may not be great writer, but I really enjoy writing.
I've never been the greatest verbal communicator, but somehow all my thoughts make so much more sense when I put them in writing. And it just helps me unload my thoughts.
But the funny thing about writing a blog is that I start over-thinking about what I'm putting "out there" because I have no idea who is even reading. I know there are readers because I can see the numbers but I have no idea who they, you are. So I start thinking... Do I just write about things that are funny, or just about my kids, or not my kids, should I write about personal things on my mind. But what if I offend someone? How much should I reveal? I don't want to sound like I'm complaining or ungrateful, but I also don't want to candy coat things and sound fake.
So here I am trying to figure out what I feel like sharing and connecting with others about and what people even want to hear...
And that my friends is what's on my mind tonight.
What a day, what a day. Y'all won't believe what's going on.
I guess you could say my blog is priiitty successful. I'm getting the most flattering comments left and right from these "anonymous" fans. I guess they like me so much they don't want to admit who they are just yet, so as not to seem like stalkers and such.
The cool thing is these anonymous worshippers can see my potential even in a post that doesn't have much content.
For example on my post where I listed some clothing for sale. It was basically just a bunch of photos of my shirts I was selling. But I guess my glowing personality and charming wit shine right through even in a post like that. Here is what one worshipper had to say:
"This paragraph is genuinely fruitful in favor to me. Please keep up the posts like this."
First of all, wow! Second, yeah!
Another reader said, in response to my clothing pictures:
"Thаnks designed fоr sharing such a nice thinking, paгagraph is niсe, thats why i have read it entirеly"
Clearly they scoured the post and truly adore me and have a fondness for grammar.
And yet another one from my clothing post:
" Heу thеre! Τhis poѕt cοuld not be written anу better! Reading thгough this рοst rеminԁs me of my previous гoom mate!Hе аlωays keρt talking about this.I will forward this aгtісlе to him.Рretty sure he will haѵe a gοod read."
And my favorite most thoughtful genuine comment of them all, on my post "If I'm Being Really Honest" the post where I confessed such things as my fondness for smelling my own farts as a child. Here is what my fan had to say:
"I really appreciate this thoughtful post. It is clear that you've spent much time researching the topic that you write about. If you aren't already a famous blogger you will certainly be one in no time."
I feel proud, so proud right now that these perfect strangers are getting all this from my posts. I will take credit though. What, so sue me, I'm confident in my skills!? I guess you could say I just have a natural knack for writing that radiates from everything I put out there into the universe.
I'm on cloud nine that my raw talent is being recognized.
Before I sign off let me just say, thank you my little lolo-ites. I know one day you'll reveal yourselves. But for now I'll just offer my thanks and say I wouldn't be here without you.
Okay, I'm kidding, I'm totally kidding. They're totally spam. But every time I get an alert on my phone and I start reading one of these "comments" my heart skips a beat for just a moment when I read such nice words. And then I realize...a shiny robot wrote it. Buuut it makes me laugh every time at how inappropriate the comments usually are for the particular post. Thanks for the laughs you silly robots, you.
If you can measure the greatness of a day based on how many times you did or didn't break down and cry, I'd say today was a pretty sucky day.
There are a few things that keep me sane everyday and without them my days spiral out of control. Like, no joke. Vroom, down the shoot they go...
We have all been sick, and then better and then sick and then better, over and over and over again. Wahh, I know. This seems to have been the case for everyone this year so I should shut my mouth about it. (Keyword: should) But I mean come on, flu, colds, strep throat, sinusitis, flu again, ear infections, more ear infections, colds again, sinusitis again, and pityriasis rosea all in the last month and a half. Make it stop!
Obviously I'm dying. I'm on my way out and these are the subtle clues my body is giving me. I hear you body, I hear you. I'm writing up the obituary as we speak. And don't worry you faithful obituary readers, I'll be sure to include the cause of death because what fun is an obituary without a detailed explanation.
And by the way, somebody get me a lounge chair and People magazine STAT, so we can also say I died doing what I love.
So anyway back to my point. Today sucked. We didn't go to the gym, (Ruh rohh, there goes the first drop of sanity) stuck in the house all day again (oh boy, watch out for Laurel, she ain't no homebody. Things could get ugly.), feeling sick, sick kids, crying kids, and kids that were actually pretty good and sweet for being sick (which is the worst of all because then you feel horribly guilty for not being the perfect mother they deserve), and no relief in sight because B Dog is out of town.
But now it's the end of the day. The girls are in bed and the house is peaceful and quiet and suddenly I can't imagine why everything felt so hopeless. Every minute that I enjoy a bit of silence a drop of sanity comes trickling back and I feel a little bit ashamed that I wasn't stronger.
But I will take comfort in the thought of what Addie said to me as I tucked her into bed. The beautiful reassurance only a kindergartner can offer. She said to me..."Uh, why did you kick that cup!? For a second I thought whoa my mom turned into a little baby today!"
And now with those sweet words I shall fret no more.
Or maybe take a hit of Nyquil and sleep the rest of the day away. Yes, yes, that one.