Mama-hood

"Many in the work will shout that motherhood is full of small mundane tasks. And certainly, if you look only on the surface, it's true. But underneath all the secondary things moms do-cook, clean, read, chauffeur, nurse, and so on-is a mother's real occupation, and I believe the definition of true success. Webster dictionary defines occupation as the principle business of one's life. The principle business of a mothers life is nurturing her children; it is teaching, them by example, how to pass on that love thereby strengthening the world around them." -Jane Clayson Johnson

I couldn't agree with this more.

I remember when Addie was born I couldn't have imagined the amount of love I felt for her immediately. I had no idea I could love something so much.

I used to joke with my mom, before I had kids, that I didn't want a baby. I had a "plan" to give birth and let her have the baby until it was funny, which I thought was about age 2, and then she could give it back. Of course I was kidding but I truly couldn't imagine that I would love being a mom so much, especially to an "unfunny" baby.

Just to give you an idea of how deep that love for Addie was, after we brought her home from the hospital and she was maybe a few days old. Brandon and I were in our room holding her and staring at her, with baby lullabies playing in the background, and and I just started sobbing as I thought about her leaving us for college one day. And then I told Brandon and he started sobbing. It's hilarious to me now that we were already devastated that this 7(ish) day old baby would move away from us one day. A life without her was already unimaginable even though we had just "met" her.

As amazing as this bond was there was another thing about motherhood that struck me. I was busy all day. All day. Like so busy that finding a minute to go to the bathroom seemed difficult and yet at the end of the day I could barely list anything I had accomplished. I would feel guilty pretty often because I didn't feel like I was doing anything worthwhile or interesting.

Fast forward 6 years and that is still one of my biggest struggles with motherhood. I love both of my girls with all my heart but each day I clean, I do laundry, I feed my them, drive Addie to school, take them to gymnastics, change diapers, grocery shop etc. I'm busy and yet I often times feel disappointed in myself at the end of the day because all the diaper changing, cleaning and playing doesn't feel important.

I know there are so many amazing mothers who feel the same way I do. But when we look at the big picture what we're doing is so important. Amidst all the mundane tasks we are raising-teaching, nurturing, loving these little people. Actual little humans, the next generation. We have the chance to teach them what is important in life, to encourage them to follow their dreams, to show them how to love without judgement, among so many other things. I can't think of very many things more amazing than that.

Now please bless that I don't screw this up.