November 11, 2012

If I'm being really honest. Part One.




If I'm being really honest I'd tell you...

That I chose my daughters preschool based on the fact that they do curbside pick up so I didn't have to get out of my car in the winter. Education aspects are secondary to the chill factor. Obviously.

I quit dance when I was 9 because that "scoop" we did with our hips made me feel highly sexual.  I was like "What are these feelings!?!?"

In junior high as the class president of my church group I was supposed to prayerfully choose the girls in my group to lead with me. When that route provided me with no results I chose the girls MASH style. You know, the game you played when you were in elementary school to decide who you were going to marry, if you'd end up driving a limo, or live in a shack. Yeah that game. I hid in my room and used that game to decide who my counselors would be.

When I said I had to go home to put my kids to bed I really meant I wanted to sit on my couch and eat popcorn.

That twirl you saw me do as as a kid? It wasn't spontaneous dancing. I was smelling my own fart. You're like "ewww" and I'm like "I know!"

When I said I didn't care that I didn't get asked to any of the high school dances I was really crying alone in my room. You're like "awww" but its okay, its funny now. Lets have a laugh.

I did not laugh it off when I was 10 and told my mom an octopus joke with the accidental punchline of "testicles" instead of "tentacles". (And got scolded.) No I did not casually walk away like she thought. I nervously ran upstairs to the dictionary and looked that s*@t up!

Lets be honest, because the truth is so much funnier than fiction.

But before you go there's one more thing you need to know.  Chris Farley was my biological father.


Now what would you like to get off that chest of yours?  Spill it, its safe here.  

25 comments:

  1. The Farley-nator I sure miss him. But for reals were we separated at birth?! Only I stayed like Chris Farley and you turned into a super model! This is by far my fav post the "scoop" with your hips and all these feelings man that's why I wouldn't have quit. Keep posting way stoked for part 2

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    1. haha...Whatever miss Cameron Diaz! Btw, its not too late for dance class...just sayin'. Get your hip scoop on. I dare ya!

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  2. If I am being honest, there are tears coming down my face right now. And also, I don't think I can ever go dancing with you again. The twirl could get a little awkward.

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    1. I'm dying right now. hahaha. Please dance with me! I promise I haven't twirled since 89'.

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  3. Oh man. Y u so funny!!! Truths are the best. You any make this stuff up.

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    1. Oh man. Actually I made all this stuff up. I keed. I keed. I wish I did.

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  4. Hey, I do recall it wasn't just you that didn't go to the school dances. If my brain remembers correctly, it was Jenny,Gloria, you and I who all stayed back and watched as Tori went to all the dances without us:) Good times, for sure!

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    1. You're right, at least our sophmore year we were all probably in your basement. And I was probably in your room staring at your jr. high class photo admiring Brandon Holt. hahaha. Those were fun times!

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  5. What? Dances shmances! I was the idiot obsessing over a drunk boyfriend who never took me to any of the dances. I had to ask him. Seriously, if we are throwing it out there, I had to beg my busboy friend at work to take me to senior prom. I already had a dress but no date. Sad I know. Laurel you look amazing btw. So glad you moved from cali. You were one of my besties and always a fashion guru. I purposely bought outfits you had cause they looked so cute on you. Never looked the same on me. Xo

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    1. What!? How did I not know this about the busboy!? I should've sucked it up and begged someone to take me too. Geez...what was I thinking!? Buuut then again I was terrified of boys. haha. We all need to get together and reminisce next time you're in town. I miss you guys! XOXO

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  6. What? Dances shmances! I was the idiot obsessing over a drunk boyfriend who never took me to any of the dances. I had to ask him. Seriously, if we are throwing it out there, I had to beg my busboy friend at work to take me to senior prom. I already had a dress but no date. Sad I know. Laurel you look amazing btw. So glad you moved from cali. You were one of my besties and always a fashion guru. I purposely bought outfits you had cause they looked so cute on you. Never looked the same on me. Xo

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  7. El Oh El, LOLO-ELLE. I love every inche of this post very much.
    I smell the stuff under my toenails when I clip them.
    It's appallingly appealing.
    I'm gross.

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    1. hahaha. Loveable, hilarious and only slightly gross. ;)

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  8. Ummm, I don't think I was one of your counselors in YW. But if I was, I'm offended:)

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    1. Pshhh, if you would've been in my class at the time I would've put you right on that list and then mashed out the rest. :)

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    2. Pshhh, if you would've been in my class at the time I would've put you right on that list and then mashed out the rest. :)

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  9. Replies
    1. Ha! Thanks. I was making myself laugh as I thought of them. I'm glad other people can appreciate it too. hehe

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