Pizza Hopes and Sidewalk Dreams

So I'm gonna let you guys in a little secret.  

I'm a wife, I'm a mom, I do super cool things, yeah it's true but I haven't REALLY fulfilled my life's passion yet.  

Deep, deep, way deep down inside I long to throw my headphones on, blast a little Salt N Pepa all up in my ears, slip into my sexiest sweatpants, and dance my heart out like this...

Okay so these guys don't the big bucks, but so what.  Think of the calories they burn whilst dancing.  Think of the freedom they feeling just letting it all hang out. (Hopefully just figuratively, right!?  *nudge nudge*)  Not a care in the world but getting the fine folks, the passersby if you will, to enjoy a 5 BUCK PIZZA!  

But don't get me wrong you guys, I'm not doing this job unless I have a full body costume a la this guy...

  

I mean come on, have a little dignity you non costume wearing dancers.  Hideyoself.

Do you really want everyone knowing this is what you do for a living!?  Put on a clever coverup and hit those streets.  

One of these days I'll make my dream come true.  But for now...uh who wants a job!? 

 Not me, you sillies.  

If I'm being really honest. Part One.

If I'm being really honest I'd tell you...

That I chose my daughters preschool based on the fact that they do curbside pick up so I didn't have to get out of my car in the winter. Education aspects are secondary to the chill factor. Obviously.

I quit dance when I was 9 because that "scoop" we did with our hips made me feel highly sexual.  I was like "What are these feelings!?!?"

In junior high as the class president of my church group I was supposed to prayerfully choose the girls in my group to lead with me. When that route provided me with no results I chose the girls MASH style. You know, the game you played when you were in elementary school to decide who you were going to marry, if you'd end up driving a limo, or live in a shack. Yeah that game. I hid in my room and used that game to decide who my counselors would be.

When I said I had to go home to put my kids to bed I really meant I wanted to sit on my couch and eat popcorn.

That twirl you saw me do as as a kid? It wasn't spontaneous dancing. I was smelling my own fart. You're like "ewww" and I'm like "I know!"

When I said I didn't care that I didn't get asked to any of the high school dances I was really crying alone in my room. You're like "awww" but its okay, its funny now. Lets have a laugh.

I did not laugh it off when I was 10 and told my mom an octopus joke with the accidental punchline of "testicles" instead of "tentacles". (And got scolded.) No I did not casually walk away like she thought. I nervously ran upstairs to the dictionary and looked that s*@t up!

Lets be honest, because the truth is so much funnier than fiction.

But before you go there's one more thing you need to know.  Chris Farley was my biological father.

Now what would you like to get off that chest of yours?  Spill it, its safe here.  

L'oreal Forever Fuschia

I'm going to post this photo all over the interweb because I've discovered how much I love L'oreal's Forever Fuschia Infallible lipstick.

Its bright, bold, and vibrant and it stays on forever! I mean forever, like 6 hours. It feels rich and creamy and never drying, and it never feathers. There are tons of other pretty options in the infallible line. All of them are highly pigmented and sure to please.

(These charades are getting exhausting. Actually I just really like this picture of myself and needed a great excuse to post it. No need to mention the exhaustive filtering/photoshopping process this photo has been through.  But remember what we talked about before? We never want to clue anyone in on the real reasons we post our photos.  Okay?)

Hehehe...I'm kidding. It really is a great lipstick though.